A Moment of True Joy...once upon a time

Last week I got into a cleaning frenzy randomly one day. In my large stacks of papers I found this...I don't know what I'd call it...statement, maybe. Anyway, although I wrote it on September 14th, I still remember almost exactly how it felt. I had really been struggling with some things before. The day I wrote this was like clouds parting after what had seemed like the longest storm. It's definitely personal, but it's a piece of me that I felt like sharing, even if I don't know why. Here goes...

"I had hope for the first time in a long time. Hope in my Savior and hope in the knowledge my Heavenly Father had taught. Hope in myself and the possibilities. For the first time in a long time the doors were open again. My life no longer seemed like a solitary experiene - again life had so many things to offer me and again I had access. I could touch them, grasp them (if I wanted to and was willing to work for it), but it was open and only someone who had felt alone and unable to access anything they felt they needed to could know how glorious it feels and how liberating for that door to be opened. I feel full again, capable, and even just for a moment I did not fear anything - I had no need for fear. For one moment I felt complete, whole, not perfect, but just a foundation under me that supported and sustained endless and personal possibilities. Happiness - that's what I'd call it. The ability to smile and mean it because you're really happy all the way through. It makes sense now in the scriptures it speaks of a happiness the world can never give you. It is true and eternal happiness. It's the real deal. It comes from some place so much deeper, and greater, and more important and substantial. This happiness feeds the soul like no other happiness can. It all comes down to the fact that this happiness - the real stuff - doesn't come from an outside source. It's not caused by circumstance or affected by the instabilities of everyday life. It's real happiness. I honestly can't remember the last time I've felt like this or if I've ever felt like this. Because it's not like this overwhelming or exciting feeling - It just fills you all the way through and becomes you and it purifies you as the true love of God does when it becomes your happiness, my happiness."

Happiness is not always easy, but sometimes when it seems so far away I go back and read this and remember exactly what real happiness feels like.