Rescue Party 2010

On Thursday night I traveled to Wyoming to visit Martin's Cove, to walk where the pioneers walked. To start off our journey everyone drove faster than us and we got way lost and didn't arrive until 2 a.m. Not my favorite beginning, but things worked out. Friday was a blast full of awkward tan lines, sweetwater crossing, and stories that would touch anyone's spirit. I met lots of new people and had a blast. As much fun as it was, I was so ready to come home on Saturday and shower. So here's a little taste of Martin's Cove. These are some of the fun people I met and hung out with. :)

I loved the looks on the faces of these monuments. The man's desperation and courage-amazing-probably one of my favorite memorial piece I saw.

To say

It's been a long time, it seems like, since I last posted anything. I guess it's because I tell myself I don't really have anything important or interesting to write. Tonight I decided to write anyway.

I thought to myself today, "I wonder if anyone besides my brother and one of my best friends will ever really understand me." I've thought a lot about what it means to love people for who they really are. I've thought about the contradiction between wanting to help someone be better because you can see their potential and leaving them exactly the way you met them because that's supposedly just who they are. I guess I agree with the former rather than the latter. It's nights like these when I'm home alone just sitting with my computer and my music that my mind wanders and contemplates well pretty much a whole lot about the intracacies of life.

I was reminded today that I want to be a somebody and I wanna really do something with my life. Now all I have to do is figure out HOW. But until then I'm gonna get some sleep. Maybe when I have more energy I can figure out how to live out my dreams...maybe. :)

Something to live by

"If you are helpless, he is not. If you are lost, he is not. If you don't know what to do next, he knows. It would take a miracle you say? Well, if it takes a miracle, why not?" -President Boyd K. Packer

This quote has really been a driving force in my life lately. There is hope in the gospel of Jesus Christ! There really is!

Another one

So I had this random idea for a poem today. I don't know how good it is, but I thought I would post it anyway.

Take one step...
one tiny, little step
maybe the grass will turn a little greener
or the holes you've felt will be filled.

Take one step...
one tiny, little step
maybe your heart will learn to love a little more
and judge a little less.

Take one step...
one tiny, little step
maybe your dreams can appear through the cracks
and have a fighting chance.

Take one step...
one tiny, little step
and maybe nothing will happen.
But you can't know
unless you take one step...
one tiny,
little,
step.

Don't Make Me Smile When I Frown. (A song/poem).

Background: About two months ago, while I was at work, my friends Julie and Katrina and I were talking about how Julie was leaving Utah to chase her dreams in California. Katrina frowned at the thought and Julie said something to make her smile. Katrina said, "Don't make me smile when I frown." Right away I thought that sounds like a line from a song or something. I wrote it down and promised myself to use it at some point later in a song or a poem. Well as I was talking to another friend this week about how hard life can be sometimes and how there are days or weeks when we feel like no matter what we do we're just sinking more and more. So I decided to combine the two and write words to express what that kind of pain feels like. For some reason it always just makes a little more sense when it's written down. So here is my song/poem (there may never actually be music for these lyrics)


Don't Make Me Smile When I Frown
I've never doubted the narrow way.
I never thought it wasn't true.
But sometimes in the darkest night,
believe is all I can do.
But please don't make me smile when I frown.
I know you want to pick me up when I'm down.
Right now I might feel afraid
But don't make me smile when I frown

I'd give anything not to feel like this,
but I don't know what to try.
It all just seems too hard,
so I just sit here and cry.
But please don't make me smile when I frown.
I know you want to pick me up when I'm down.
Right now I might feel so alone
But don't make me smile when I frown.

Every day is longer than the last,
And still I'm not enough.
A weary soul, trying still,
A diamond in the rough.

Please, don't make me smile when I frown
Soon I'll let you pick me up when I'm down.
Right now I might feel gone,
but I'll come back.


I'll come back.

Don't be afraid

What does it mean to stay true to yourself, true to what you know? This question has kind of been on my mind. I just want to say doing what I think is best doesn't mean that everyone else is wrong. It doesn't mean that everyone else doesn't know anything or that they don't care about the same things I do. But some days we just have to silence all the doubts and face the fear that as we might very well be wrong, we also must be true to ourselves and to what we know.

Last night at Institute I read a quote that really hit me. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said: "Do not be afraid of scars that may come in defending the truth or fighting for the right, but beware scars that spiritually disfigure, that come to you in activities you should not have undertaken, that befall you in places where you should not have gone." (Ensign, Nov. 1998, pg. 77)

I can only hope to do so...

The Holidays

So I took a little bit of a break from writing. Not because there was a lack of events in my life, but more of the opposite. There was so much going on there was rarely a time to sit down and write. In an attempt to recap my holiday festivities this is it:

I went home for Christmas to good ol' Fallon, Nevada. For anyone who doesn't know where that is, it's pretty much in the middle of nowhere about 60 miles east of Reno. I went home for a few days and just spent time with my family. It was nice not to have any type of agenda or schedule. We watched The Princess and the Frog on Christmas day. My two older brothers were with the family of their spouses so we missed them at home, but it was still a great Christmas. We watched movies and James and I played Wii until almost 4 in the morning the first night we got there. I really do consider those moments the memories we make that we never forget, no matter how small.

I drove back with Ruth and James on December 28th and welcomed in the New Year. I've thought some about my goals, or if you want to call them resolutions, for 2010. I would say my only goals are to be more diligent at finding ways to help others and be a better person and then being unselfish with my time in order to make that happen. Pretty much my goals are the same as the goals I always have in times like these: just keep trying to be a better person in general. To do and be someone who can make difference and to do it for the right reasons. Now we'll see how it actually works out. The hardest part with a goal or any type of goal like this is it's not very measurable. Maybe I'll think of smaller goals within my goal that are actually measurable.

One more thing...I regret to say that in all my fun and family time I never took one picture. I know, lame, but that is how it is.