A Moment of True Joy...once upon a time

Last week I got into a cleaning frenzy randomly one day. In my large stacks of papers I found this...I don't know what I'd call it...statement, maybe. Anyway, although I wrote it on September 14th, I still remember almost exactly how it felt. I had really been struggling with some things before. The day I wrote this was like clouds parting after what had seemed like the longest storm. It's definitely personal, but it's a piece of me that I felt like sharing, even if I don't know why. Here goes...

"I had hope for the first time in a long time. Hope in my Savior and hope in the knowledge my Heavenly Father had taught. Hope in myself and the possibilities. For the first time in a long time the doors were open again. My life no longer seemed like a solitary experiene - again life had so many things to offer me and again I had access. I could touch them, grasp them (if I wanted to and was willing to work for it), but it was open and only someone who had felt alone and unable to access anything they felt they needed to could know how glorious it feels and how liberating for that door to be opened. I feel full again, capable, and even just for a moment I did not fear anything - I had no need for fear. For one moment I felt complete, whole, not perfect, but just a foundation under me that supported and sustained endless and personal possibilities. Happiness - that's what I'd call it. The ability to smile and mean it because you're really happy all the way through. It makes sense now in the scriptures it speaks of a happiness the world can never give you. It is true and eternal happiness. It's the real deal. It comes from some place so much deeper, and greater, and more important and substantial. This happiness feeds the soul like no other happiness can. It all comes down to the fact that this happiness - the real stuff - doesn't come from an outside source. It's not caused by circumstance or affected by the instabilities of everyday life. It's real happiness. I honestly can't remember the last time I've felt like this or if I've ever felt like this. Because it's not like this overwhelming or exciting feeling - It just fills you all the way through and becomes you and it purifies you as the true love of God does when it becomes your happiness, my happiness."

Happiness is not always easy, but sometimes when it seems so far away I go back and read this and remember exactly what real happiness feels like.

Ward Date Night/ Temple Square Lights

Okay, so on Friday I participated in ward date night. We have them about every 5 or 6 months. I've always liked them. I think if nothing else they have become an adventure or good story to tell. I mean from the title of it alone there is a story to be told. Like when someone asks, "What are you doing this weekend?" "Oh I'm going on ward date night." It's an amazing conversation starter for sure.

My date was Kyle Allcott. We've been friends pretty much since I joined the ward almost a year ago, so it was nice to go with someone I felt comfortable with. We had fun talking about anything and everything. Plus he was really good at keeping the battery from my camera warm so that I could take pictures at temple square. :-) Here are some of the pictures...thanks to Kyle.

yes I had Kyle take a picture of me by myself. Haha. :-)

Oh the Snow!

This morning I woke up to cloudy skies and snow falling outside. I normally work an 8-5 work day. This morning I got here at 9:36. Let me paint a picture of what it was like this morning. I actually straightened my hair today which seemed like a stupid thing to do when it's snowing, but I wasn't thinking about that when I did it, I just wanted to get ready. I went outside and spent probably about 10 minutes cleaning off my car which had a small bank of snow behind it that I got to back out into. The I-15 between Bountiful and Salt Lake took me about 40 minutes or more to get through. I was grateful I had a banana with me to eat because I hadn't eaten breakfast. I started to get sleepy as I checked my speedometer and noticed I don't think I ever went over 9 mph in that stretch of freeway. Finally once I got to the road construction part, oddly enough, the traffic picked up. Through some minimal sliding and going about 20 to 25 mph the rest of the way I finally made it to work. I know on many days I can get frustrated about all of this, but honestly today I was just grateful that I was safe, my car was safe, and it got to that point where I knew I couldn't do anything so I just started laughing at random things and I actually cheered out loud when I hit 40 mph on some of the less snowy parts of the road. I think today helped me to appreciate the small things in life, even though safety isn't small, I think it's taken for granted and I was happy today it wasn't.

Invictus (for those who have never read)

I've seen a lot of movies lately, meaning, I've seen a lot of trailers for upcoming movies as well, unfortunately a lot of the same ones over and over. One trailer I never get tired of watching is the trailer for the movie Invictus. I was curious what it stood for. Little did I know I had heard parts of this inspirational poem before, but never had I read the whole thing. It is truly a poem that reminds us to live purposefully and intentionally the life we know we can live. So for those of you who have never read it or those who want to read it again here is some info and the poem itself, courtesy of Wikipedia:


"Invictus" is a short poem by the English poet William Ernest Henley. The title is Latin for "unconquered".[1] It was first published in 1875.
At the age of 12, Henley became a victim of tuberculosis of the bone. In spite of this, in 1867 he successfully passed the Oxford local examination as a senior student. His diseased foot had to be amputated directly below the knee; physicians had announced that the only way to save his life was to amputate. Henley persevered and survived with one foot intact. He was discharged in 1875, and was able to lead an active life for nearly 30 years despite his disability. With an artificial foot, he lived until the age of 53. "Invictus" was written from a hospital bed despite Henley's condition.

"Invictus" Text


OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Helping

I saw The Blind Side last night. First of all, it was an amazing and inspiring movie! Although I didn't shed any tears, I felt there were many moments when I could have. As I watched the end of the movie I thought to myself, "What makes someone do something good, or even do the right thing?" Whenever I hear or see great acts of kindness, or courage, or really any admirable quality, I always wonder if I would have enough of whatever I need to demonstrate those qualities that I always admire in others. Basically, do I have what it takes to be the type of person I want to be? Hmmm...do I? Do you?

Patience

So I've decided I have none...patience I mean. Everyday, in all the things I do I see my impatience with the results I want in life. My lack of patience manifests itself boldly and very apparently in my dating life. I've noticed that I always want to know whether things are going to work out or not very quickly. It's not a conscious thing, but it's still very well and alive. I think a lot of it has to do with fear and control. When I decide that I could maybe like a guy I want to spend a ton of time with him right away so that I can figure out if I really like him. This makes it hard for those laidback guys who just wanna take their time and "go with the flow" as one guy put it. I think it has to do with the fact that I hate playing the fool. I don't want to start liking someone if they're not liking me. When I figure it out quickly that they're not interested, I can just move on. However, when they want me to be patient and see, all that while I am probably starting to like them while they are figuring out they don't like me. I hate being in this place, but with any guy that's ever been worth dating, this seems to be the end result. Beyond guys, even when something exciting happens in my life, I want to know where this will lead, what will happen. Pretty much even though I think I am good at enjoying the moment, I can't help but look too far ahead. It's a gift and a curse, as most things in life are. So my new goal...work on the patience thing. I want to try to take things more in stride and along with having patience, not dwelling on my setbacks. I think the failures or disappointments that occur may be, in part, a reason why I feel the need to discover things so quickly. Maybe if the failures didn't affect me so much, if I could just let them go, I could learn to be a little more patient and know if something happens it happens...and that's okay.

Late Night Craziness/Movie Review: New Moon (Twilight Series)

Okay, for all of you who have seen this movie I'm sure your opinion is likely to be much different than mine. On Thursday, November 29th I got a call from my friend Katie around 9:15 pm. She said she found a theater in Magna selling tickets for six dollars for a 2:45 am showing. So they were worried there was actually going to be a line. We got there about 1:20 in the morning. Since we had some time to kill and there wasn't a line, we went to IHOP. We met this cool waitress Tawny who was awesome and we found out works the graveyard shift like everyday. She was awesome! Great service! Then we went to the movie and I fell asleep for only a little bit of it. It was hard to stay awake around 4 am. The movie ended about 5 and I got home at 5:23 am. I slept until 6:45 and went to work. In total, I slept 3 hours that day. Was it worth it? Well let me tell you bout the movie now...The graphics were truly amazing! The werewolves were my favorite by far because they looked so huge and real...well, as real as a huge werewolf can look. As with Twilight, and any other book turned into movie, there were a lot of details removed to attempt to fit the entire storyline. The acting wasn't the best. Even though I liked all the actors, it all seemed a little fake, but they may have to do with trying to turn a fantasy story into a reality on screen. Jacob fans can be satisfied that he truly looks great in this movie, how could Bella resist. But for us Edward fans I am a little frustrated that Jacob is more attractive on screen then Edward because let's face it, Edward is the love of Bella's life and that's who she is destined to be with. I thought overall, it was a decent movie. Nothing great, but fun to continue to follow the Twilight movies and all the hype as well. All in all, I recommend everyone see it for yourself. There's just too biases and opinions that some will love it, some will hate it, and others like me will think it's just okay.