Faith, Fear, and Loneliness

I know I haven't written anything in a long time, but I figured even if there is no one still reading this blog, I would post something I've been thinking about lately.

Recently, I've thought a lot about faith, fear, and loneliness. I feel like, in general, I live a pretty decent life. I honestly look around and feel so completely blessed. I would even say I have an awesome life. However, being the person I am, and I think the people we all are, I constantly feel like I could be doing more, and even more, that I could just be more.

As I've sought to learn how I can do this, I have felt moments of fear—feeling like I don't understand the how's and why's of so many things, and the what's for that matter. I hate feeling fear, because I think deep down I truly believe that since faith is the opposite of fear, I should be able to not fear anything if I have enough faith. I know though, that we all have fears, and we are all very imperfect, and that's okay. It's just that sometimes it doesn't feel okay.

So, as I was thinking back to these feelings that I've had, I realized that although I have felt afraid, I have not felt alone, and how great it feels to make that distinction. Because sometimes we can feel scared that something bad is going to happen, or that something good we want to happen never will—we can feel hopeless. But, even when it seems life can't get any worse or unstable, we can know we are not alone when we search for our Father in heaven and Savior in prayer.

I find it so completely interesting that even if Heavenly Father doesn't tell us what to do, how to make it better, or where to go from here, He is there. He and our Savior are there just to be there, just because we need them to be. Today, and every day, I am grateful for that.

Happy Sunday!

PlayLIZt: I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)

It's time. The PlayLIZt is back with a song I found on So You Think You Can Dance. Every season, I find a handful of great music from the show. This season was no different. I've heard the original version of this song a million times, or maybe closer to 20 or 30 times, but this version is completely different and beautiful as ever. I've added all of the songs on the PlayLIZt to a separate page, so it's easier to find old songs and new ones. Enjoy!

"I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by Sleeping At Last
PlayLIZt

Just the Two of Us

Since Will and I got married just less than 2 years ago, we have never gone on a vacation just the two of us. And Will being in school two nights a week, hasn't exactly made things easy. However, Will had a break in August, so we thought we'd find a place to go.

Why Seattle? No specific reason except we've both always wanted to go there. I think part of my fascination with the city comes from all the movies and TV shows that take place there...maybe.:-)

Day 1
We drove to Yakima, Washington (10 hours) to visit my Abuelita (grandma) Patino who passed away when I was 9 from colon cancer. I hadn't been back to visit since then. It was really nice to visit her.

Day 2

We drove to SeaTac, Washington where we stayed while visiting Seattle because the hotel prices in Seattle are ridiculous.

Day 3
We bought a city pass in Seattle, which gave us access to six main attractions in Seattle. On Monday, we went right into visiting all of them--Argosy Harbor Tour, Seattle Aquarium, had some fish and chips, and of course we couldn't go to Seattle without seeing a Mariner's game.

  

 

 

Day 4
This day, we tackled the rest of the sites to see in Seattle--Woodland Park Zoo, the Space Needle, the Pacific Science Center, the EMP Museum.

 

 

Day 5
We went to Cannon Beach, Oregon to see Haystack Park. It was one of the most amazing, beautiful places we have ever seen. We both agreed that we had to come back.

Day 6

We decided we would visit my parents on our way back. No pictures of Fallon, but let's just say there's a lot of desert and alfalfa.

We had an amazing trip! A much needed one. But we're excited to be back in our own house and our own bed. 

Could Use a Little Hope

Do you ever feel like you'd rather never watch the news or read an article online again? That's how I've been feeling lately.

With everything from Obama's health care plan, to the fires that have claimed so many homes and even lives.

It's hard to feel like everything isn't going down the crapshoot.

I get frustrated and annoyed when I see that children are dying in their own neighborhoods and 150 members of the LDS church decide to make a spectacle of their choices to leave the Church.

I guess what I'm saying is I could use a little hope. Hope in the world and the people in it.

Strength to Overcome Fear

In the last little while, and even in the last week, I have seen heartbreak, death, and those who have experienced what I would call "disappointment at the hand of those who do not understand." 

And while I've seen so many hurt, it has brought upon me no lack of fear. It's hard to watch others go through hard things because it makes me think about the hard things that may be ahead for both me, my husband, and us collectively. So what comes from that?

I have spent every possible moment trying to find those feelings of faith that bring us all the strength enough to face the challenges of life. You know that feeling when you know that no matter what hard things happen, you will be able to get something good from it. There is hope in all things. With the Lord there is. I don't know if I've quite reached that point in this instance, but I'm working on it. 

I don't know about the rest of you, but I have felt it is time to re-center myself and re-align to what really matters and what I need not fear.  

Looking Back Amazed

Do you ever look back and are amazed at who you've become? I'm wouldn't say I've become this amazing person and I wouldn't say that I have a ton of regrets either, but I would say I have grown. I have become someone I can be proud of and someone who also has a lot of work to do to be even better. 

I also look back and sometimes think about all the things I did or didn't do that have placed me here. It's all pretty amazing to me. Who'd have known. I sure didn't. What I do know is that life is more good than bad and I'll take that any day. :)

It's Okay to Be Okay

The other day I was feeling completely unmotivated. I was feeling as I have at moments of my life--like a failure. Do you ever feel like you want to be better than you are, but you just feel like you cant, whether it's lack of lack of motivation, lack of energy, or lack of hope? Well, on this "other day" I decided to write something to half explain how I felt, and to half give me a little bit of hope. For those of you who have ever felt like you're not quite cutting it--this is for you. 

It’s okay to not be the master of anything but yourself.
It’s okay to be unsure.
When the mundaneness of life won’t go away,
And everything is as it was yesterday--
That’s okay.

It’s okay to wish things were different sometimes.
It’s okay to be frustrated.
When you find yourself in a hole,
In a place of mediocrity,
That’s okay.

Some might say, “It’s time to fight.”
And you might feel ashamed.
But instead of feeling you’re not doing enough,
Today, just let it be okay.

No Matter What—Life is Beautiful

Lately, every day I have had feelings and thoughts wondering what tomorrow and the next day will bring. 

I would say I look forward to the future maybe more than most, but I also realize that with the promise of so much good there are bound to be many obstacles. 

And not just the "we have an unexpected expense this month," but also the "how do work, kids, and school together all work out in the future?" And you know what, I don't have any specific answers to the questions I wonder about, but I do have one thing: 

I have a whole heck of a lot of comfort from my Heavenly Father that however life just happens to work out, it WILL work out. 

Lately, I've been really into reading articles in the Ensign on my tablet (and yes part of this probably has to do with the fact that I like to find more things to read on my tablet), but what I've realized is that as I stay focused on what is good and how loved both Will and I are, I can't help but find every moment of life a little more enjoyable. I smile just thinking of the joy that comes from knowing the truths of the gospel.

We are loved, we are watched over, and I KNOW we have a Father in heaven and a Savior who long more for our happiness than we could ever imagine or hope for. 

Smile. Life is beautiful.

I'm Sexy and I Know It

I don't know how many of you know, but I had surgery about 3 weeks ago to remove my gall bladder. It had been giving me problems for a few months so we decided it was time for it to come out. Anyway, after I came out of surgery Will filmed this video of me on my phone. If you have ever wondered what I would be like under some sort of "influence," wonder no more. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I was pretty much the same as I am always. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but I like it. So, without further delay...

Who Will Make a Difference? Reflections on What It Took to Make Joseph Kony Famous

I'm sure many of you have seen the video about Joseph Kony. Like others, I am disgusted at what he has done and continues to do as the leader of the rebel group LRA. Now, I don't want to take away from the importance of that message in any way, but watching the video made me think about something else as well. 

Jason Russell, the filmmaker in charge of the intensely moving picture has done something incredible. I realize that he hasn't done it alone. I also realize that he has worked very hard on this project for years. There's no doubt we can assume this project has been one of dedication and time. We hear stories, we see stories just like this one--one where one person, or a few people, saw the need for change and they used what they knew to make a difference. My question is, are there some of us out there who might have seen what Jason saw and come back to the U.S. and thought how sad it was, but done nothing more?

What makes the difference between what causes one to act and one not to? Is it in their nature? Is it that some of us are leaders and some of us are followers? Or is it that some of us believe we can actually make a difference and half of us have just enough guts to try?

Thoughts?

In case you haven't seen the video:

KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.

What makes you smile?

I read a quote once, something about not writing for the sake of writing, but writing for the sake of telling a story. So what happens when you feel like writing, but you can't think of any one particular story? I guess the nice part about a blog is that if nobody reads it or if nobody cares, it's not the end of the world--just words on a page online. 

I guess if I could write about anything right now it would just be that I wish life were less busy. I think pretty much everyone I know is busier than I am, but I can't help but hate the feeling that I'm spending so much time maintaining my life (or something that resembles that) that I feel like I'm not taking the time to do enough things that are a part of the "living" of life. 

I have to say that I am very blessed and I have a wonderful life, but sometimes I wish life were a little bit less about what is going on on the outside of us and more about what's going on on the inside. Maybe it's as simple as taking the time to write more for myself, and spend more time on my blog, but whether it's that or something else, I think maybe we should indulge ourselves a little more in what makes us smile, what makes us laugh, what inspires us, what motivates us to keep going every day. Just a thought...or five. ;)

The Proof is in the Picture

Okay, this post is EXTREMELY delayed, but it is what it is. I guess after the wedding you go so fast into "being married" that you move on from "getting married," which is exactly why I didn't take the time to post any pictures until now. So for those of you who want to see, here are some of the proofs of those moments from the big day. (And I decided to save myself a lot of time and not post a caption for each picture.) ;)