Faith, Fear, and Loneliness

I know I haven't written anything in a long time, but I figured even if there is no one still reading this blog, I would post something I've been thinking about lately.

Recently, I've thought a lot about faith, fear, and loneliness. I feel like, in general, I live a pretty decent life. I honestly look around and feel so completely blessed. I would even say I have an awesome life. However, being the person I am, and I think the people we all are, I constantly feel like I could be doing more, and even more, that I could just be more.

As I've sought to learn how I can do this, I have felt moments of fear—feeling like I don't understand the how's and why's of so many things, and the what's for that matter. I hate feeling fear, because I think deep down I truly believe that since faith is the opposite of fear, I should be able to not fear anything if I have enough faith. I know though, that we all have fears, and we are all very imperfect, and that's okay. It's just that sometimes it doesn't feel okay.

So, as I was thinking back to these feelings that I've had, I realized that although I have felt afraid, I have not felt alone, and how great it feels to make that distinction. Because sometimes we can feel scared that something bad is going to happen, or that something good we want to happen never will—we can feel hopeless. But, even when it seems life can't get any worse or unstable, we can know we are not alone when we search for our Father in heaven and Savior in prayer.

I find it so completely interesting that even if Heavenly Father doesn't tell us what to do, how to make it better, or where to go from here, He is there. He and our Savior are there just to be there, just because we need them to be. Today, and every day, I am grateful for that.

Happy Sunday!

PlayLIZt: I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)

It's time. The PlayLIZt is back with a song I found on So You Think You Can Dance. Every season, I find a handful of great music from the show. This season was no different. I've heard the original version of this song a million times, or maybe closer to 20 or 30 times, but this version is completely different and beautiful as ever. I've added all of the songs on the PlayLIZt to a separate page, so it's easier to find old songs and new ones. Enjoy!

"I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by Sleeping At Last
PlayLIZt

Just the Two of Us

Since Will and I got married just less than 2 years ago, we have never gone on a vacation just the two of us. And Will being in school two nights a week, hasn't exactly made things easy. However, Will had a break in August, so we thought we'd find a place to go.

Why Seattle? No specific reason except we've both always wanted to go there. I think part of my fascination with the city comes from all the movies and TV shows that take place there...maybe.:-)

Day 1
We drove to Yakima, Washington (10 hours) to visit my Abuelita (grandma) Patino who passed away when I was 9 from colon cancer. I hadn't been back to visit since then. It was really nice to visit her.

Day 2

We drove to SeaTac, Washington where we stayed while visiting Seattle because the hotel prices in Seattle are ridiculous.

Day 3
We bought a city pass in Seattle, which gave us access to six main attractions in Seattle. On Monday, we went right into visiting all of them--Argosy Harbor Tour, Seattle Aquarium, had some fish and chips, and of course we couldn't go to Seattle without seeing a Mariner's game.

  

 

 

Day 4
This day, we tackled the rest of the sites to see in Seattle--Woodland Park Zoo, the Space Needle, the Pacific Science Center, the EMP Museum.

 

 

Day 5
We went to Cannon Beach, Oregon to see Haystack Park. It was one of the most amazing, beautiful places we have ever seen. We both agreed that we had to come back.

Day 6

We decided we would visit my parents on our way back. No pictures of Fallon, but let's just say there's a lot of desert and alfalfa.

We had an amazing trip! A much needed one. But we're excited to be back in our own house and our own bed. 

Could Use a Little Hope

Do you ever feel like you'd rather never watch the news or read an article online again? That's how I've been feeling lately.

With everything from Obama's health care plan, to the fires that have claimed so many homes and even lives.

It's hard to feel like everything isn't going down the crapshoot.

I get frustrated and annoyed when I see that children are dying in their own neighborhoods and 150 members of the LDS church decide to make a spectacle of their choices to leave the Church.

I guess what I'm saying is I could use a little hope. Hope in the world and the people in it.

Strength to Overcome Fear

In the last little while, and even in the last week, I have seen heartbreak, death, and those who have experienced what I would call "disappointment at the hand of those who do not understand." 

And while I've seen so many hurt, it has brought upon me no lack of fear. It's hard to watch others go through hard things because it makes me think about the hard things that may be ahead for both me, my husband, and us collectively. So what comes from that?

I have spent every possible moment trying to find those feelings of faith that bring us all the strength enough to face the challenges of life. You know that feeling when you know that no matter what hard things happen, you will be able to get something good from it. There is hope in all things. With the Lord there is. I don't know if I've quite reached that point in this instance, but I'm working on it. 

I don't know about the rest of you, but I have felt it is time to re-center myself and re-align to what really matters and what I need not fear.  

Looking Back Amazed

Do you ever look back and are amazed at who you've become? I'm wouldn't say I've become this amazing person and I wouldn't say that I have a ton of regrets either, but I would say I have grown. I have become someone I can be proud of and someone who also has a lot of work to do to be even better. 

I also look back and sometimes think about all the things I did or didn't do that have placed me here. It's all pretty amazing to me. Who'd have known. I sure didn't. What I do know is that life is more good than bad and I'll take that any day. :)

It's Okay to Be Okay

The other day I was feeling completely unmotivated. I was feeling as I have at moments of my life--like a failure. Do you ever feel like you want to be better than you are, but you just feel like you cant, whether it's lack of lack of motivation, lack of energy, or lack of hope? Well, on this "other day" I decided to write something to half explain how I felt, and to half give me a little bit of hope. For those of you who have ever felt like you're not quite cutting it--this is for you. 

It’s okay to not be the master of anything but yourself.
It’s okay to be unsure.
When the mundaneness of life won’t go away,
And everything is as it was yesterday--
That’s okay.

It’s okay to wish things were different sometimes.
It’s okay to be frustrated.
When you find yourself in a hole,
In a place of mediocrity,
That’s okay.

Some might say, “It’s time to fight.”
And you might feel ashamed.
But instead of feeling you’re not doing enough,
Today, just let it be okay.