From the Inside Out

The Proof is in the Picture

2012-01-31T18:31:00.001-07:00

Okay, this post is EXTREMELY delayed, but it is what it is. I guess after the wedding you go so fast into "being married" that you move on from "getting married," which is exactly why I didn't take the time to post any pictures until now. So for those of you who want to see, here are some of the proofs of those moments from the big day. (And I decided to save myself a lot of time and not post a caption for each picture.) ;)

What Do I Know?

2012-01-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've thought a lot about the things we know and the things we don't. How all of us know so much, and how the great majority of it isn't even about the same things. I know people who I swear somehow find things out as soon as they happen, but doesn't spend all day online so I don't know how he does it. I know other people who talk about the great authors and others who can rattle off the specs of a great computer or the inner workings of the best-made cars.

So I thought to myself: What do I know?

I thought of everything I've ever learned. The miscellaneous facts I keep stored in my head that will most likely never really serve anyone but me; the knowledge I've gained from my formal education; and the little lessons my parents taught me as a kid that I keep with me to this day. So is what I know worth knowing? And, what is in the future for me to learn?

Just curious.

Having a Happy Holiday Season

2011-12-27T11:52:00.000-07:00

In just over one week, 2,000 miles in a car, 1 joint wedding reception, 4 days of work, approximately 4 days in Fallon, some Angry Birds and Dance Central 2; I would call this holiday season a success.

Still to come...Will's birthday and New Year's in Hurricane. :-)

I couldn't ask for anything more. :-)

Oh What a Journey It Is

2011-10-05T20:29:00.002-06:00

According to blogger the last time I posted anything was June 25th. I don't know about you, but that seems like a long time ago. It's mean it's October. For those of you who know me personally, you know that I pretty much disappeared after starting to date someone seriously. Well this someone is going to be my husband in 8 days! I could give a long version of how we met and how it all happened, but for now I'll just say that when people tell you, "when you know, you know," they're not kidding. I'm definitely not saying that "knowing" makes it the easiest thing in the world to get married, but I will say it makes it easier in the hard times to know in your heart it is right.

So, I have a question for all of you who actually read this: have you ever felt so amazingly happy that you're scared of being unhappy ever again. Logically of course, this doesn't make sense, but I think some of you know what I'm talking about. We all know good and bad things happen, and life is always going to be a rollercoaster of the ups and downs, but do you ever feel afraid to be unhappy because in some way you've forgotten what real sadness feels like? Or because you never want to feel any different than you do at the moment, you hold on so tight not wanting to let go of what you have?

Just thinking. Respond if you would like. :-)

PlayLIZt: June (Love is You & Keep Your Head Up)

2011-06-25T21:38:00.000-06:00

Okay, somehow, of course I have no idea how, I managed to make it through almost an entire month without posting one song. My sincere apologies. I guess you could say June has been quite the busy month. I decided to not try and catch up on the whole month, but I do want to share two songs with you. I have always said that great songs come from TV shows. The first song for June is no exception. I heard this song on the show The Practice and downloaded it right away. I love Chrisette Michele's voice, but most of all I love the message of this song. Song #2 is a much more recent acquisition. On Monday, I heard a song on the radio and immediately wrote down the name and artist so I could download it later. Well, Thursday night I went to the Natasha Bedingfield concert (she is one of the best, if not the best, live performers I have ever seen) and the first opening act was the same artist of the song I heard on Monday on the radio. His name is Andy Grammer and I am a huge fan, so of course I bought his album. So sit back and think of love while "keeping your head up." Enjoy! :)

"Love is You" by Chrisette Michele

"Keep Your Head Up" by Andy Grammer

Stubbs Family Reunion 2011

2011-06-02T21:55:00.000-06:00

Over Memorial Day weekend my cousin Melinda got married in the Rexburg, Idaho temple. It was amazing! Afterward we had our annual Stubbs family reunion. I wrote this little paragraph below on Saturday. I think I said it better then than I could now.

There’s something about family—the way they always think the best of you and the way they support you without knowing all the details of your life. I’m sitting around at my family reunion thinking how lucky I am, how blessed I am to be so closely interconnected with amazing, truly good people. Not every family is perfect, in fact I don’t know any that are, but I can’t help but feel like I got the long end of the stick on this one. And I’m sure I’m not the only one. So today I want to count my family as another blessing. Amazing cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, brothers, sister, parents, niece, and nephew . . . I am one lucky girl!

Melinda's family at her reception.

Sean and the newest addition to his family asleep on the couch. Cute huh?

Tara helping James organize the scripture movie game

The view of the cabin from one of the upper floors.

Emily, Asher, and Maya watching Tangled in the theater room.

Uncle Brian sleeping under the ping pong table. He picks the most interesting places to sleep sometimes. :)

PlayLIZt: May Week 3 & 4

2011-05-29T18:46:00.001-06:00

Time for another double post. Yes, this is what happens when life gets busier than busy. For these two weeks I decided to share two songs from a movie I saw recently called Something Borrowed. The movie itself wasn't anything amazing, even though I laughed at quite a few parts, but I found two great songs from it. These songs are definitely on the more mellow side, but I think that's what I love about them. They're good writing/thinking songs (everyone who knows me knows I love those). :) Enjoy!

"Poison & Wine" by The Civil Wars

"The Longer I Run" by Peter Bradley Adams

Reaching Our Potential

2011-05-22T18:20:00.000-06:00

I have a question.

How do we live up to our potential?
Are we ever really living up to our potential?

Okay I lied...I might have more than just one question. :-)

I've thought about this a lot lately. Mostly, I've been thinking of how can we push ourselves to overcome fears in order to accomplish things we never thought we could/things that are part of our potential?

Thoughts?

I'm still working on the how, but I think there is a definite necessity to seek that potential and reach for it. I'll add it to the to-do list. ;-)

PlayLIZt: May Week 2 (Who You Are)

2011-05-17T23:06:00.001-06:00

I could write so much about this song, but I'll just write the most important reasons this song is the PlayLIZt song of the week from last week. When I first heard this song there was a line that made all the difference to me. "It's okay not to be okay." I feel like I (and other people I know) spend so much time trying to "keep it all together" on a daily basis, and while some days it's easy to see the good and be happy, some days everything is just not okay. I felt like the lyrics in the song gave me permission to not be okay, but also to never let that be it, to keep living to be who I am deep down, and who you are. This song gives hope when there is none. This song is a gift. This song is for anyone who has ever doubted themselves. No matter what, remember who you are! On Saturday night I got to sing this song for a friend at an acoustic music event to raise money for cancer research. Although it wasn't the easiest thing to do, it was one of the coolest things I've been able to be a part of. So here's to a great song! A really great song!

Enjoy! :)

"Who You Are" by Jessie J

PlayLIZt: May Week 1 (Same Changes)

2011-05-07T13:03:00.000-06:00

This is another song from one of my more recent favorite movies: Morning Glory. I probably loved it first because it plays during one of my favorite parts of the movie (where she is walking around early in the morning in a sort of reflective mood) and I love it second because of the message that things never stay the same. "Same" changes. As hard is it is to accept sometimes, well most of the time, it's true. Nothing really ever stays the same, but somehow this song makes me feel okay about that. Enjoy! :)

"Same Changes" by The Weepies

PlayLIZt: April Weeks 1, 2, and 3

2011-04-28T21:16:00.002-06:00

I've been kind of absent lately when it comes to the PlayLIZt--sorry! I have plenty of favorites to add, so here we go. Three songs for the three weeks I missed.

1. This song comes from a friend. I don't know where Lizz Wright came from, but I love her voice. She truly sings from the soul. She has this way of making me feel calm, but filled with the depth of her music. Enjoy! :)

"Hit the Ground" by Lizz Wright

2. Okay, this song comes from one of my favorite movies I have raved and raved about. It starts out a tiny bit slow, so wait for it to build. If you've seen the movie Morning Glory you'll recognize it as the song she is running to at the end of the movie, however, no matter what you're doing I think it's a great listen. One of my favorite lines: "I'm gonna grow myself a giant afro." Enjoy! :)

"Gone in the Morning" by Newton Faulkner

3. And last, but not least, song number three is a song I can listen to over and over (of course I know this because I have). It's such a sweet song and the type of song you can listen to while doing just about anything and this song makes you smile a little because it makes you think of a "guide" in your life. Favorite line: "You're all that is love." Enjoy! :)

"The Guide" by Borne

Inspiration As of Late

2011-04-22T18:05:00.001-06:00

In the last day or two I have felt completely inspired.
Inspired to express and create.
Inspired to be better and to do more
with my talents, with my time and my effort.

I can name two specific things that represent all of this inspiration.
The first is definitely music.
Music inspires me every single day.
It gives me hope when I have none,
and a lot of times it just makes me want to dance--and I do. :)
But more than anything, music makes me feel and I love music for that.

In a conversation I had with a friend this week
I found myself expressing these feelings just by starting to write and words coming out.
This is what I wrote (what music makes me feel):

"Music feeds the soul and speaks without words to the parts of us that no one can see."

The second inspiration I found today.
I was reading the Twitter paper of an educator.
In it was posted the video below.
Words make all the difference to me.
They have changed my life.

Sometimes It Just Doesn't Add Up

2011-04-19T22:44:00.000-06:00

Do you sometimes feel like life just isn't adding up?
That's how I felt today.

I promise I don't live my life
taking each calculated step to, in turn,
receive some calculated result.
However, today about halfway through the day
I had this overwhelming feeling/thought
that if you "added up"
all the things I'm doing or trying to do in my life
that somehow the result (my current life)
would be different than it is today, and dare I say--BETTER.

I'm not trying to complain
and I don't think life is that bad,
but sometimes I just wonder if this is it.
Did I somehow get the equation wrong?

I know in the end
it all comes down to I don't know all the details--
the inner workings that go into creating the result that is my life.

So I'm going to trust in someone who knows BETTER.
Trust Him that no matter how skewed the equation may look,
He knows how to do the math.

Time to Unpack

2011-04-11T08:29:00.000-06:00

When I saw this picture I kept wondering why this girl is smiling--her boxes are still packed up. I moved to Salt Lake City on Saturday. A Forerunner and Expedition later I made it to my new place. When I was in college I was lucky if I made it a whole year without moving. I've lived at my sister's place for almost 2 1/2 years, so I decided it was time for a new adventure. Don't get me wrong, leaving Bountiful hasn't been the easisest thing to do, but it was time. Anyway, now I have one day to unpack everything and get my life in order before go back to work tomorrow. It's going to be a long day. A good day, but long. So here's to new adventures and hopefully many, MANY unpacked boxes! :)

May We Have Ears to Hear

2011-04-03T11:57:00.003-06:00

Two days ago I was reading in Matthew 13. As general conference was approaching and I wanted, more than anything, to learn more about what I need to do in my life, I couldn't help but hope I would be ready in my heart and in my mind to receive the counsel given this weekend. As I had these thoughts I read the following scripture:

43 Then shall the righteous shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Who hath ears to hear, let him hear.

I have the sincerest desire to have ears that hear.

May we all do what we must to have "ears that hear" as we continue to listen to our Heavenly Father's servants today and every day.

PlayLIZt: Week 4 & 5 (Rolling in the Deep & Someone Like You)

2011-04-01T18:35:00.001-06:00

Okay, so I've been abnormally busy lately, with what? I'm not exactly sure. However, because I've been so busy I didn't get the chance to post a song for last week's pick so I'm including two pick's this week. Interestingly enough, they are both from Adele's new CD "21."

I have liked Adele in the past, but I would now have to say that I love her! Her voice is incredible and her music is amazing. She sings with immense emotion. It's easy to go back through past relationships and relate to Adele's thoughts (through her music) on her last relationship. She is a true artist!

"Rolling in the Deep" is the type of song where you seriously can't sit still when you listen to it, and "Someone Like You," well you just gotta listen to it.

Enjoy! :)

P.S. I was going to just post the songs, but these videos are both so amazing so I had to post them.

PlayLIZt: March Week 3 (That's How You Know)

2011-03-23T21:36:00.001-06:00

After listening to this song, you might wonder why I posted it. Although it has nothing to do with how I am feeling about life right now, I just can't stop listening to it. It's about learning to move on. It's beautiful and the feelings in this song as so sincerely expressed I love it! Sit back and let it soak in.

Enjoy! :)

P.S. The song wasn't on Grooveshark so here is a YouTube version.

PlayLIZt: March Week 2 (Price Tag)

2011-03-12T16:52:00.001-07:00

I don't even know where to begin. This song has recently taken over my life, in a good way. I first heard it at Serendipity in Las Vegas over Presidents' Day weekend and more than once after I got back to Utah I tried to find what song it was. Then, this past week I heard the last 20 seconds of it on the radio and the station happened to announce the name and artist of the song. We'll just say I've listened to it so much this week, when I woke up this morning the first thing in my head was the lyrics to this week's PlayLIZt pick of the week. Turn up the volume and dance! You won't be able to sit still I promise!

Enjoy! :)

"Price Tag" by Jessie J (featuring B.o.B.)

To Kick or Lift?

2011-03-11T17:52:00.000-07:00

VS.

I know some might be confused by seeing a picture of Michelle Money and Ashley H. from The Bachelor compared to a picture of Brandon Davies, but I promise there's a good explanation for that. :)

On Monday night, in the midst of an incredible snow storm outside, I watched The Bachelor: The Women Tell All episode. I know I may have lost some of you just now, but keep reading. :) As I watched the episode I listened to woman after woman tear the other down and criticize every possible weakness and perceived fault. The comments were cruel and tactless. It was astonishing to see the criticism people are capable of.

The next day, I read a blog post about Brandon Davies detailing how a former BYU basketball player, Mekeli Wesley, who went through a similar situation in 1998, reached out to Davies. Wesley said, ""I sat down with him and hugged him.We cried together."

Now, I know these two situations seem worlds apart, but when I saw/read the two stories I instantly connected them. Here you have one situation where people are kicking each other while the others are down, and another situation where someone decided to lift up the other.

I thought to myelf, which one am I more likely to do when I see the faults in others? Which one would you do? Which one should we do?

I thought it was time to take a little bit of a self-inventory and remind myself how I can be an influence for good when I choose to "lift the arms that hang down" and "strengthen the feeble knees" instead of criticizing those around me.

PlayLIZt: March Week 1 (Save You)

2011-03-06T20:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, I didn't plan on writing two PlayLIZt posts back to back, but when you have a busy week that's what happens. :) For this week's pick I chose a song that I've had in many of my playlists for over two years probably. I actually found it where I find a lot of the best songs--on a tv show. :)

This song is one of those songs that no matter what mood I'm in I'm always up to listen to it.

Enjoy!:)

"Save You" by Matthew Perryman Jones

(This is the acoustic version so it's a little bit different, but still good.)

PlayLIZt: February Week 4 (Jack)

2011-02-25T23:57:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone else is like me in the fact that everywhere I go I hear the music around me. Those who know me best will tell you whether in restaurants, clothing stores, or background music on the radio, I hear it everywhere. The best part is, when I hear a song I like I have to figure out the title and artist so I can download it later.

Whoever invented tagging for music was a genius. You'll know what I mean when I tell you the story about this week's PlayLIZt pick of the week.

While I was in Las Vegas over Presidents' Day I had one of the biggest shopping sprees of my life. No joke. We went shopping at the Primm Outlet Mall and I more or less went to town. :) Anyway, the first store we went to was Ann Taylor. I have never bought anything there, but there were great deals so I figured I would check it out. Well, low and behold, Ann Taylor has fantastic music. In fact, pretty much every store I went into there had great music.

Great Shopping +Great Music=Great time.

So I was changing in the dressing room at Ann Taylor when this song came on and I had to pause and Shazaam (Tag) it on my phone so I could share it with you.:) As a tribute to a great weekend with great music, here is the PlayLIZt pick of the week.

Enjoy! :)

"Jack" by Pixie Lott

Relationship Lessons from Peter Shankman Seminars

2011-02-25T19:52:00.001-07:00

I don't know how many of you know Peter Shankman, but he is a hilarious presenter on PR and social media and really knows his stuff.
Anyway, this past week I attended a webinar he was giving through PRWeb, and as I was listening I realized there are a lot of theories and ideas involved in social media that can be applied to relationships. I thought some of them were pretty interesting, so for your entertainment value, here are three relationship lessons that I thought of off the top of my head:

#1 - Transparency. Peter Shankman is always talking about how in this day and age it is quite easy for people to find out the truth about you or your company, so it's better to be honest up front instead of trying to hide something from your consumers.

In a relationship it's important to be yourself. If you try too much to be "what the other person wants" you will waste a great deal of time and energy. At some point they will see the real you, whether it's sooner or later. You might as well let them know up front who you are. Not that they need to know everything right away, but being yourself is always good advice I'd say.

#2 - Brevity. Peter Shankman talks about the importance of being brief when making a pitch to a reporter, or really to anyone.

This principle definitely applies to first meetings and first dates with those of the opposite sex. The first date, especially if it's a blind date, should never last very long. Date #1 is the "get to know you enough so I can decide if it's worth my time or yours to see each other again" date. Sometimes making a date too long can ruin what could have been a pretty good date otherwise.

Disclaimer: I have had first dates that were somewhere in the 4 hour range that were great, but I've also had all day or "marathon" dates on first or second dates and that's just exhausting.

#3 - Don't Talk at People; Talk to them. Peter Shankman mentions how important it is to listen to your customers as a business owner. You can't just push messages out there and not be listening to what the people who use your product are saying.

How many times are you on a date and you realize the person is not really listening, or how many times do you realize you've just zoned out in the middle of someone's conversation. It's always key to listen before you speak, and to be with someone who does the same.

I'm sure there are crazy amounts of more theories I could apply to relationships from Peter Shankman's brilliant seminars, but I'd say three is good for now. Hopefully, you get as much out of these as I did.

PlayLIZt: February Week 3

2011-02-17T15:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know this is a little bit early, but I am going out of town for the weekend and wanted to post the song of the week before I left. Last Saturday I got on iTunes and went on a search for some new good music and found this gem. Honestly, it just has a great sound that makes me feel like I'm cruising through these beautiful moments of life. On top of that, anybody who has ever had more-than-just-a-friend feelings for a friend can completely relate.

Enjoy! :)

"Someday" by Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors

P.S. Let me know what you think.

PlayLIZt: February Week 2

2011-02-12T11:30:00.001-07:00

As I was thinking about a song to post for the PlayLIZt this week I couldn't help but think of this song from Leona Lewis that I recently discovered. I will admit although I have a love for music, I often discover songs a year or two after they have been released. Whether a new song, or just new to me, great music is great music!

Enjoy! :)

"I Got You" by Leona Lewis

Faithful Through Tribulation

2011-02-09T22:22:00.002-07:00

I will be the first to admit I don't have the longest attention span, especially when it comes to going to an institute class after a busy Tuesday at work. However, yesterday I heard some scriptures that described not only exactly what I needed to hear, but what I think a lot of people need to hear--essentially, the message that yes, we will experience tribulation in this life, but the glory we receive for keeping our Father in Heaven's commandments in this life is worth it and greater than anything we can imagine, even though we're not there yet. We just need to hold on and keep going.

D&C 58:2-4
2 For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepeth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful in tribulation, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven.
3 Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.
4 For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.

PlayLIZt

2011-02-04T19:28:00.001-07:00

Earlier this week at work, I was talking to Kristy about all of my favorite songs, or songs of the day, and at some point in the conversation she used the term "PlayLIZt" to describe all of them. Then with some more help from her brilliant mind, I came up with the idea to post a PlayLIZt of my favorites on the blog. For some reason when I get stuck on a song I play it over and over all the time and it usually lasts a few days at least, so every week I'll post my song obsession for the week. I hope you will enjoy these songs as much as I do.

P.S. I figure I would just start with the month of February and add in two songs for the month of January, you know so there's at least one song in every month this year and I had more than one song obsession in the month of January. :)

Song of January

"Blue Eyes" by Cary Brothers

"Wait Til You See My Smile" by Alicia Keys

February: Week 1

"Powerful Stuff" by Sean Hayes

Enjoy!

Great Music on a Saturday Night

2011-02-02T23:45:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, I went to my see my friend Kristy perform at Legend's Grill with the Feel Good Alliance group. She was amazing! I beamed with pride as I stood front and center cheering her on. :) It was a great night! Some of my other favorite parts are unfortunately not documented in the pictures below, but I loved the break/step dancers, Young Sim's (who is featured below) rapping and the awesome dj who just might have to mix at my wedding reception someday-yes, mix. :)

Shanna and Kristy before Kristy performed.

The beginning of Kristy's set.

Kristy singin' her heart out. :)

Young Sim. I swear I was so close he kept looking right over my head.

Somewhere in the Middle

2011-01-19T22:45:00.000-07:00

The other day I walked into my condo and thought about how I would put my current state of life into words. I decided it would be called "somewhere in the middle." It's like this feeling of not being able to see the future and the past seems so far behind you, you can't remember how your life got the way it is. Nothing bad. Nothing great. Just life. I wouldn't say I'm unhappy by any means. I would actually say most days I'm in a content and slightly optimistic state of mind, but it feels very "in the middle." I'm in the thick of life. So I've been trying to decide if I like the middle or where do I go from the middle. I don't know. Maybe we live life more in the middle than we realize and we just don't notice it. Anyway, food for thought.

NO EXCUSES!

2011-01-03T22:55:00.000-07:00

The great thing about starting a new year is that it is this defined, determined, specific time to make changes in life. I typically hate making New Year's resolutions; seriously, I haven't made one in years. This year, however, I felt the need to change or improve a lot of things in my life. And as I thought about what might be included on my list, it just became overwhelming because I kept thinking, "What is going to make me actually accomplish any of my goals?" I realized it came down to one thing: stop making excuses. It hit me that I know what areas of my life I want to improve; I know them all year round, not just at New Year's. My reason for not accomplishing any of what I want to is because I make excuses. I tell myself, "that's too hard," or "I can't do that," or "that's not realistic." My one and all encompassing New Year's resolution is to stop making excuses and do it already; do whatever it is I really want to do. Here I go...

Christmas 2010

2010-12-26T20:47:00.001-07:00

Okay, so techincally it's the day after Christmas so maybe I shouldn't be writing anything with 'Christmas' in the title, but I'm going to anyway. I guess this is my post to sum up the holiday season.

1. First time at the First Presidency Christmas Devotional
2. Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas concert with David Archuleta
3. Patino family Christmas party
4. Awesome work Christmas party with great prizes and food
5. Got to go to my cousin's sealing in the Mount Timpanogas Temple
6. Bought a new computer with a webcam on Christmas eve which allowed my family to speak to my brother in Spain serving in the Navy on Christmas day (face to face) ;)
7. Spent my first Christmas in Utah with all the single kids in my family and my parents and went to see the Temple Square lights with them.

I would say all in all it was a pretty successful Christmas season. I don't have a lot of pictures, but here's what I took:

My niece Maya opening presents when we opened some presents at Thanksgiving

My nephew Asher opening a gift at Thanksgiving.

Kristy and Clark toasting at the work Christmas party

Kristy, Janna, and I at the work Christmas party

Janna and Kristy showing us the yummy food. Haha.

My cousin Ric and his new bride.

Sunday Will Come

2010-12-05T22:00:00.002-07:00

Lately I have felt the reality of trials. I have seen them all around me in the lives of the people I love. I have felt them in my own life as a reminder that the adversary never sleeps and never takes a break, especially in those moments when we can be our happiest. Anyway, today as I went to church and the first presidency Christmas devotional the thought that I kept hearing was "Sunday will come" from Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's talk a few years ago in general conference. That talk has been a saving force so many times as it has filled me with hope when I have felt hopeless. Specifically these lines:

"Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come."

I know for everyone I love, for me, and for all of us, Sunday will come. In those moments of despair Sunday will come over and over again.

The View From Above (A poem about reaching for more)

2010-11-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

I know two posts in one day is pretty ambitious, but I have been wanting to post my latest poem on here since I finished it. I don't know why I was so excited about this one compared to the others, but I was. So here goes:

The View From Above

Weak are the wings that do not fly,
For they know not the strength of the wind.
But how heavy the heart that will not try,
How stubborn the will that won’t bend.

Afraid of what I cannot see,
Wondering if I even know how.
So much to do, someone to be
The time to act is now.

The one who leaps with faith inside
Will feel the force that lifts.
No longer a soul seeking to hide,
But one who seeks life’s gifts.

There are things we cannot view
From the cold hard ground below;
Only in doing something new
Are we given the room to grow.

It may seem impossible to begin,
But what else are wings for?
Than to use the power within
To spread our wings and soar.

I Am a Writer!

2010-11-24T08:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, so last week I found an amazing blog post on twitter (I can't help it, I'm on it for work all day long). Anyway, this woman (Brown Eyed is her blogger name) was talking about the situation many of us writers encounter at a party. The typical conversation goes something like this, "So where do you work?" or "What do you do for a living?" This blogger then refers to the reaction of many of those who are writers. She so clearly expresses the thoughts of a professional writer who somehow feels like writing isn't a real profession or how as a writer, people tend to "play down" writing as a hobbie rather than a profession. I don't know if I could call myself a professional writer, but I know someday I want to be. Someday, I want to inspire people through my writing. I feel I can relate a lot to this blog post I read because although writing may not be my profession right now, it is one of my passions in life and I would say we are denying ourselves of something if we are not true to our passions and our talents. So thank you Brown Eyed for reminding me to be proud to be a writer.

To read Brown Eyed's blog post Click Here

I LOVE MOVIES! (Why "Morning Glory" Inspired Me)

2010-11-12T19:57:00.002-07:00

Yesterday, I went to see Morning Glory. It had everything I could ever want in a movie. I took a journey with Becky Fuller (Rachel McAdams) as she proved to withstand defeat after defeat when any normal person would quit. She believed in herself and in her dream when literally NO ONE else did. She inspired me! She made me want to dare to dream and go for it full speed ahead.

And I realized after watching Morning Glory, how much movies really mean to me and as crazy as it sounds, how much movies are therapy for me. My friend described it to me well when she said, "you don't watch movies like other people do." I appreciate the details of the movie, I pull the actors out of their characters sometimes and marvel at their ability to portray a character so effortlessly. I am overjoyed by the ability of great writers and I always find my favorite songs from a scene in a movie. If I'm having a bad day, a great movie can honestly turn everything around, even for just a little while. I get more excited about movies than a lot of things.

Some might say it's pathetic to love movies so much or to sometimes make them more real in my mind than they are in actuality, but I realized just like other people love dance, or reading, or camping, or any other "more respected" interests, I love movies! I love the orchestration of music, acting, words, and emotion coming together to give me an experience to invigorate all of my senses. Who could ask for more? And it's not that I don't love music, dancing, reading, and a number of other things. I have just been reminded of my love for movies more recently. :)

P.S. Go see Morning Glory! It's funny, inspiring, entertaining, and fun! :)

Birthday #25

2010-11-09T16:57:00.000-07:00

Okay so about a week ago on November 1st I had my 25th birthday. While some may think 25 is incredibly young, I don't feel all that young. I mean 19 felt young. What about being halfway through my 20s is young? I think if I could stay at 25 that would be okay, but it's the getting older and older part that I don't look forward to. Anyway, it was actually a pretty great birthday as far as my birthdays go. Okay, yes, I am going to make a list.

Why My Birthday Was Fun (and not in any particular order):

1. Dinner with friends
2. Dinner with family
3. New Car Stereo
4. Eating lunch at Plates & Palates
5. Watching Secretariat (LOVED this movie!)
6. Bowling with my ward at FHE
7. All the phone calls, texts, and facebook posts

Thanks everyone for a spectacular birthday! :)

Waiting for Superman

2010-11-03T15:30:00.000-06:00

Last Thursday I went to see the new documentary, Waiting for Superman. I, like I think many people will, felt completely anchored to the hopes and dreams of the children featured in the movie. I will admit I cried a little just wanting for these kids to reach their potential through the avenue of attending great schools. It made me think a lot about my own education and how good it actually was. Before BYU I'm not sure it was all that amazing, but I would say I came out educated. :) But honestly, I just thought to myself how I want to earn a lot of money so I can afford to send my kids to schools that will push them to learn in ways many of us never experienced in our own education. Anyway, I highly recommend the movie! If nothing else, it will make you think.

Waiting for Superman Trailer

A Blast From the Past

2010-10-07T22:31:00.000-06:00

"So we talked all night about the rest of our lives. Where we're gonna be when we turn 25."

-Vitamin C

Today at work I had my iPod on shuffle and the Graduation Song from Vitamin C came on. Yes I am willing to admit I have this song on my iPod. Anyway, I started laughing when I heard the lyrics "where we're gonna be when we turn 25" because in less than a month I will be turning 25. I thought about when I was graduating from high school I definitely didn't think I would be where I am right now. It's all just a little interesting where life takes you. So for old time's sake here is the video for the Graduation Song. It really is classic. Lol.

P.S. If the video shows up as a black box, just click on it anyway and it should start. :)

Time For A Picture Update

2010-10-06T21:51:00.000-06:00

I have been trying to post an update for at least a week. I'm sure anyone who reads this blog was waiting on the edge of their seat. ;) Well wait no longer. Okay, so it's not much of a post, but I thought it's been a while since I posted some pictures so I'm making up for it now. For those of you who read this blog--enjoy! :)

My family reunion: my nephew Asher with my brother Andrew and James in the background.

Another pic of Andrew and Asher

James dancing the hoop dance for the talent show.

Seara and Raunde at the rodeo for FHE

Kristy and Amber at the rodeo

Me and Amber at the rodeo

Words That Came to Mind

2010-09-06T09:00:00.000-06:00

Last Thursday I was just thinking about life. Mostly why it is the way it is and how to keep pushing on. I just started writing my thoughts down in a sort of stream of consciousness way and didn't think twice about what I was writing, which I guess could be kind of dangerous. Haha. Anyway, when I read it I realized it was kind of advice to myself, or I guess a cheesy expression of hope in life. So I thought I would share. :)

Live the unapologetic life.
Learn the ways of truth.
Listen to hear the heartbeat slow down then speed up.
Move over or move in to what life has to offer.
Sing your own song.
And don't look back.
Laugh if you want to and give in a little more when tears threaten to break your walls.
Hold on to the hope and give all that you have.
And at the end of the day, just let go.

Let Me Know or Let Me Go

2010-09-01T22:16:00.000-06:00

The subject of this post has become my new motto. I came up with this one day when I was texting my friend about my frustrations with dating. Sometimes I get to the point where I feel like I'm at a standstill and no one is making a move. At this point I feel like saying, "let me know or let me go." Lol. Of course by the time I get to this standstill with anyone I'm probably already letting go.

Patience. I'm working on it. Lol.

Hopeful vs. Hopeless

2010-07-27T10:10:00.000-06:00

Webster describes the word hopeful as:
1 : having qualities which inspire hope

2 : full of hope : inclined to hope

And hopeless as:
1 a : having no expectation of good or success : despairing b : not susceptible to remedy or cure c : incapable of redemption or improvement

2 a : giving no ground for hope : desperate b : incapable of solution, management, or accomplishment : impossible

Today I used the phrase "less hopeful" and I wondered what that really means. I looked for meanings of that phrase is both the words hopeful and hopeless. I've decided it has to be in some middle ground. So I'm curious--does anyone know what I'm talking about? That feeling when it's not that you've lost all hope or feel that things are "impossible" but a feeling where "full of hope" seems like a distant memory.

A Writer

2010-07-14T18:48:00.000-06:00

I have always had a love for words and for writing, but a lot of the time I find myself doubting any sort of writing ability I might have. I have asked myself time and time again: what makes a writer a good writer? Anyone can put words on a page, but what makes them good? Yesterday was no different. As I was considering my future, especially in my new marketing position at work I asked myself, what is going to make me a good writer or what makes me a good writer now? Every time I ask myself this question I am reminded of one pivotal statement I heard in the movie Sister Act 2:

I went to my mother.

who gave me this book...

called Letters To A Young Poet.
Rainer Maria Rilke.
He's a fabulous writer.
A fellow used to write to him and say:

"I want to be a writer. Please read my stuff."

And Rilke says to this guy:

"Don't ask me about being a writer.

lf. When you wake up in the morning.

you can think of nothing but writing...

then you're a writer."

I don't know if all I think about when I wake up is writing, but every day I think of millions of things I want to write about-mostly just thoughts I feel should be recorded, yet I never have the time to actually write them down. So, am I a writer?...

4th of July

2010-07-06T18:32:00.000-06:00

For the 4th of July I spent the weekend with my family at a condo in Park City. My brother David and his wife had some trouble getting here because of Hurricane Alex, but they finally arrived about 14 hours after the time they were supposed to arrive. We watched fireworks, learned that I need to learn how to BBQ and played a mean game of family soccer, where I remembered how much worse I've gotten since playing in high school. Overall, it was good to get some family time in. :) Especially since I don't know when I'll see David and Brandy again since they live all the way in Mississippi.

P.S. One of my favorite things was watching my mom get hooked to 24 and watch at least 10 hours worth=10 episodes. It's an interesting show, but you can't make me wait that many episodes to find out what happens-whatever happened to resolving the problem by the end of the episode?

Rescue Party 2010

2010-06-28T18:38:00.000-06:00

On Thursday night I traveled to Wyoming to visit Martin's Cove, to walk where the pioneers walked. To start off our journey everyone drove faster than us and we got way lost and didn't arrive until 2 a.m. Not my favorite beginning, but things worked out. Friday was a blast full of awkward tan lines, sweetwater crossing, and stories that would touch anyone's spirit. I met lots of new people and had a blast. As much fun as it was, I was so ready to come home on Saturday and shower. So here's a little taste of Martin's Cove. These are some of the fun people I met and hung out with. :)

I loved the looks on the faces of these monuments. The man's desperation and courage-amazing-probably one of my favorite memorial piece I saw.

To say

2010-05-13T22:34:00.000-06:00

It's been a long time, it seems like, since I last posted anything. I guess it's because I tell myself I don't really have anything important or interesting to write. Tonight I decided to write anyway.

I thought to myself today, "I wonder if anyone besides my brother and one of my best friends will ever really understand me." I've thought a lot about what it means to love people for who they really are. I've thought about the contradiction between wanting to help someone be better because you can see their potential and leaving them exactly the way you met them because that's supposedly just who they are. I guess I agree with the former rather than the latter. It's nights like these when I'm home alone just sitting with my computer and my music that my mind wanders and contemplates well pretty much a whole lot about the intracacies of life.

I was reminded today that I want to be a somebody and I wanna really do something with my life. Now all I have to do is figure out HOW. But until then I'm gonna get some sleep. Maybe when I have more energy I can figure out how to live out my dreams...maybe. :)

Something to live by

2010-03-15T18:49:00.000-06:00

"If you are helpless, he is not. If you are lost, he is not. If you don't know what to do next, he knows. It would take a miracle you say? Well, if it takes a miracle, why not?" -President Boyd K. Packer

This quote has really been a driving force in my life lately. There is hope in the gospel of Jesus Christ! There really is!

Another one

2010-02-24T22:08:00.000-07:00

So I had this random idea for a poem today. I don't know how good it is, but I thought I would post it anyway.

Take one step...
one tiny, little step
maybe the grass will turn a little greener
or the holes you've felt will be filled.

Take one step...
one tiny, little step
maybe your heart will learn to love a little more
and judge a little less.

Take one step...
one tiny, little step
maybe your dreams can appear through the cracks
and have a fighting chance.

Take one step...
one tiny, little step
and maybe nothing will happen.
But you can't know
unless you take one step...
one tiny,
little,
step.

Don't Make Me Smile When I Frown. (A song/poem).

2010-02-13T14:21:00.000-07:00

Background: About two months ago, while I was at work, my friends Julie and Katrina and I were talking about how Julie was leaving Utah to chase her dreams in California. Katrina frowned at the thought and Julie said something to make her smile. Katrina said, "Don't make me smile when I frown." Right away I thought that sounds like a line from a song or something. I wrote it down and promised myself to use it at some point later in a song or a poem. Well as I was talking to another friend this week about how hard life can be sometimes and how there are days or weeks when we feel like no matter what we do we're just sinking more and more. So I decided to combine the two and write words to express what that kind of pain feels like. For some reason it always just makes a little more sense when it's written down. So here is my song/poem (there may never actually be music for these lyrics)

Don't Make Me Smile When I Frown
I've never doubted the narrow way.
I never thought it wasn't true.
But sometimes in the darkest night,
believe is all I can do.
But please don't make me smile when I frown.
I know you want to pick me up when I'm down.
Right now I might feel afraid
But don't make me smile when I frown

I'd give anything not to feel like this,
but I don't know what to try.
It all just seems too hard,
so I just sit here and cry.
But please don't make me smile when I frown.
I know you want to pick me up when I'm down.
Right now I might feel so alone
But don't make me smile when I frown.

Every day is longer than the last,
And still I'm not enough.
A weary soul, trying still,
A diamond in the rough.

Please, don't make me smile when I frown
Soon I'll let you pick me up when I'm down.
Right now I might feel gone,
but I'll come back.

I'll come back.

Don't be afraid

2010-01-27T18:59:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to stay true to yourself, true to what you know? This question has kind of been on my mind. I just want to say doing what I think is best doesn't mean that everyone else is wrong. It doesn't mean that everyone else doesn't know anything or that they don't care about the same things I do. But some days we just have to silence all the doubts and face the fear that as we might very well be wrong, we also must be true to ourselves and to what we know.

Last night at Institute I read a quote that really hit me. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said: "Do not be afraid of scars that may come in defending the truth or fighting for the right, but beware scars that spiritually disfigure, that come to you in activities you should not have undertaken, that befall you in places where you should not have gone." (Ensign, Nov. 1998, pg. 77)

I can only hope to do so...

The Holidays

2010-01-02T12:59:00.000-07:00

So I took a little bit of a break from writing. Not because there was a lack of events in my life, but more of the opposite. There was so much going on there was rarely a time to sit down and write. In an attempt to recap my holiday festivities this is it:

I went home for Christmas to good ol' Fallon, Nevada. For anyone who doesn't know where that is, it's pretty much in the middle of nowhere about 60 miles east of Reno. I went home for a few days and just spent time with my family. It was nice not to have any type of agenda or schedule. We watched The Princess and the Frog on Christmas day. My two older brothers were with the family of their spouses so we missed them at home, but it was still a great Christmas. We watched movies and James and I played Wii until almost 4 in the morning the first night we got there. I really do consider those moments the memories we make that we never forget, no matter how small.

I drove back with Ruth and James on December 28th and welcomed in the New Year. I've thought some about my goals, or if you want to call them resolutions, for 2010. I would say my only goals are to be more diligent at finding ways to help others and be a better person and then being unselfish with my time in order to make that happen. Pretty much my goals are the same as the goals I always have in times like these: just keep trying to be a better person in general. To do and be someone who can make difference and to do it for the right reasons. Now we'll see how it actually works out. The hardest part with a goal or any type of goal like this is it's not very measurable. Maybe I'll think of smaller goals within my goal that are actually measurable.

One more thing...I regret to say that in all my fun and family time I never took one picture. I know, lame, but that is how it is.

A Moment of True Joy...once upon a time

2009-12-17T00:04:00.000-07:00

Last week I got into a cleaning frenzy randomly one day. In my large stacks of papers I found this...I don't know what I'd call it...statement, maybe. Anyway, although I wrote it on September 14th, I still remember almost exactly how it felt. I had really been struggling with some things before. The day I wrote this was like clouds parting after what had seemed like the longest storm. It's definitely personal, but it's a piece of me that I felt like sharing, even if I don't know why. Here goes...

"I had hope for the first time in a long time. Hope in my Savior and hope in the knowledge my Heavenly Father had taught. Hope in myself and the possibilities. For the first time in a long time the doors were open again. My life no longer seemed like a solitary experiene - again life had so many things to offer me and again I had access. I could touch them, grasp them (if I wanted to and was willing to work for it), but it was open and only someone who had felt alone and unable to access anything they felt they needed to could know how glorious it feels and how liberating for that door to be opened. I feel full again, capable, and even just for a moment I did not fear anything - I had no need for fear. For one moment I felt complete, whole, not perfect, but just a foundation under me that supported and sustained endless and personal possibilities. Happiness - that's what I'd call it. The ability to smile and mean it because you're really happy all the way through. It makes sense now in the scriptures it speaks of a happiness the world can never give you. It is true and eternal happiness. It's the real deal. It comes from some place so much deeper, and greater, and more important and substantial. This happiness feeds the soul like no other happiness can. It all comes down to the fact that this happiness - the real stuff - doesn't come from an outside source. It's not caused by circumstance or affected by the instabilities of everyday life. It's real happiness. I honestly can't remember the last time I've felt like this or if I've ever felt like this. Because it's not like this overwhelming or exciting feeling - It just fills you all the way through and becomes you and it purifies you as the true love of God does when it becomes your happiness, my happiness."

Happiness is not always easy, but sometimes when it seems so far away I go back and read this and remember exactly what real happiness feels like.

Ward Date Night/ Temple Square Lights

2009-12-14T22:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, so on Friday I participated in ward date night. We have them about every 5 or 6 months. I've always liked them. I think if nothing else they have become an adventure or good story to tell. I mean from the title of it alone there is a story to be told. Like when someone asks, "What are you doing this weekend?" "Oh I'm going on ward date night." It's an amazing conversation starter for sure.

My date was Kyle Allcott. We've been friends pretty much since I joined the ward almost a year ago, so it was nice to go with someone I felt comfortable with. We had fun talking about anything and everything. Plus he was really good at keeping the battery from my camera warm so that I could take pictures at temple square. :-) Here are some of the pictures...thanks to Kyle.

yes I had Kyle take a picture of me by myself. Haha. :-)

Oh the Snow!

2009-12-08T11:09:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up to cloudy skies and snow falling outside. I normally work an 8-5 work day. This morning I got here at 9:36. Let me paint a picture of what it was like this morning. I actually straightened my hair today which seemed like a stupid thing to do when it's snowing, but I wasn't thinking about that when I did it, I just wanted to get ready. I went outside and spent probably about 10 minutes cleaning off my car which had a small bank of snow behind it that I got to back out into. The I-15 between Bountiful and Salt Lake took me about 40 minutes or more to get through. I was grateful I had a banana with me to eat because I hadn't eaten breakfast. I started to get sleepy as I checked my speedometer and noticed I don't think I ever went over 9 mph in that stretch of freeway. Finally once I got to the road construction part, oddly enough, the traffic picked up. Through some minimal sliding and going about 20 to 25 mph the rest of the way I finally made it to work. I know on many days I can get frustrated about all of this, but honestly today I was just grateful that I was safe, my car was safe, and it got to that point where I knew I couldn't do anything so I just started laughing at random things and I actually cheered out loud when I hit 40 mph on some of the less snowy parts of the road. I think today helped me to appreciate the small things in life, even though safety isn't small, I think it's taken for granted and I was happy today it wasn't.

Invictus (for those who have never read)

2009-12-02T11:56:00.000-07:00

I've seen a lot of movies lately, meaning, I've seen a lot of trailers for upcoming movies as well, unfortunately a lot of the same ones over and over. One trailer I never get tired of watching is the trailer for the movie Invictus. I was curious what it stood for. Little did I know I had heard parts of this inspirational poem before, but never had I read the whole thing. It is truly a poem that reminds us to live purposefully and intentionally the life we know we can live. So for those of you who have never read it or those who want to read it again here is some info and the poem itself, courtesy of Wikipedia:

"Invictus" is a short poem by the English poet William Ernest Henley. The title is Latin for "unconquered".[1] It was first published in 1875.
At the age of 12, Henley became a victim of tuberculosis of the bone. In spite of this, in 1867 he successfully passed the Oxford local examination as a senior student. His diseased foot had to be amputated directly below the knee; physicians had announced that the only way to save his life was to amputate. Henley persevered and survived with one foot intact. He was discharged in 1875, and was able to lead an active life for nearly 30 years despite his disability. With an artificial foot, he lived until the age of 53. "Invictus" was written from a hospital bed despite Henley's condition.

"Invictus" Text

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Helping

2009-11-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

I saw The Blind Side last night. First of all, it was an amazing and inspiring movie! Although I didn't shed any tears, I felt there were many moments when I could have. As I watched the end of the movie I thought to myself, "What makes someone do something good, or even do the right thing?" Whenever I hear or see great acts of kindness, or courage, or really any admirable quality, I always wonder if I would have enough of whatever I need to demonstrate those qualities that I always admire in others. Basically, do I have what it takes to be the type of person I want to be? Hmmm...do I? Do you?

Patience

2009-11-24T14:35:00.000-07:00

So I've decided I have none...patience I mean. Everyday, in all the things I do I see my impatience with the results I want in life. My lack of patience manifests itself boldly and very apparently in my dating life. I've noticed that I always want to know whether things are going to work out or not very quickly. It's not a conscious thing, but it's still very well and alive. I think a lot of it has to do with fear and control. When I decide that I could maybe like a guy I want to spend a ton of time with him right away so that I can figure out if I really like him. This makes it hard for those laidback guys who just wanna take their time and "go with the flow" as one guy put it. I think it has to do with the fact that I hate playing the fool. I don't want to start liking someone if they're not liking me. When I figure it out quickly that they're not interested, I can just move on. However, when they want me to be patient and see, all that while I am probably starting to like them while they are figuring out they don't like me. I hate being in this place, but with any guy that's ever been worth dating, this seems to be the end result. Beyond guys, even when something exciting happens in my life, I want to know where this will lead, what will happen. Pretty much even though I think I am good at enjoying the moment, I can't help but look too far ahead. It's a gift and a curse, as most things in life are. So my new goal...work on the patience thing. I want to try to take things more in stride and along with having patience, not dwelling on my setbacks. I think the failures or disappointments that occur may be, in part, a reason why I feel the need to discover things so quickly. Maybe if the failures didn't affect me so much, if I could just let them go, I could learn to be a little more patient and know if something happens it happens...and that's okay.

Late Night Craziness/Movie Review: New Moon (Twilight Series)

2009-11-23T15:05:00.000-07:00

Okay, for all of you who have seen this movie I'm sure your opinion is likely to be much different than mine. On Thursday, November 29th I got a call from my friend Katie around 9:15 pm. She said she found a theater in Magna selling tickets for six dollars for a 2:45 am showing. So they were worried there was actually going to be a line. We got there about 1:20 in the morning. Since we had some time to kill and there wasn't a line, we went to IHOP. We met this cool waitress Tawny who was awesome and we found out works the graveyard shift like everyday. She was awesome! Great service! Then we went to the movie and I fell asleep for only a little bit of it. It was hard to stay awake around 4 am. The movie ended about 5 and I got home at 5:23 am. I slept until 6:45 and went to work. In total, I slept 3 hours that day. Was it worth it? Well let me tell you bout the movie now...The graphics were truly amazing! The werewolves were my favorite by far because they looked so huge and real...well, as real as a huge werewolf can look. As with Twilight, and any other book turned into movie, there were a lot of details removed to attempt to fit the entire storyline. The acting wasn't the best. Even though I liked all the actors, it all seemed a little fake, but they may have to do with trying to turn a fantasy story into a reality on screen. Jacob fans can be satisfied that he truly looks great in this movie, how could Bella resist. But for us Edward fans I am a little frustrated that Jacob is more attractive on screen then Edward because let's face it, Edward is the love of Bella's life and that's who she is destined to be with. I thought overall, it was a decent movie. Nothing great, but fun to continue to follow the Twilight movies and all the hype as well. All in all, I recommend everyone see it for yourself. There's just too biases and opinions that some will love it, some will hate it, and others like me will think it's just okay.

I am what I am

2009-11-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, a member of the high council spoke in sacrament meeting. He quoted someone by saying, "I am what I am, and that is what I am." I honestly can't remember who said it first, but I thought a lot about this statement. This is kind of how I feel about life right now. Although I know change is important and inevitable, I like the idea of being so content with who I am that I can say, "I am what I am, and that is what I am." There's just this feeling of complete confidence in that statement. It represents the idea of living a life without apologies, but also without excuses. Now that's what I call a life. :-)

My Job

2009-11-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, for those who don't know already, I finally found a job! I work for a company called School Improvement Network. I've been here just over two days and honestly, I love my job. I am a receptionist so I answer the phone, file things, and I'm sure will be doing more, but for now I'm content with it for sure. I still have a lot of learning to do. It's true that sometimes you don't know what you got til it's gone. Yesterday, I caught myself telling a friend how much I love working. It's not so much the work itself, although I do like being a receptionist, but it's more the satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something each day. When I was a student, my job always came second to school; it was just money. Now, my job can be my focus and as much as I try to multitask let's face it, I like being able to focus on one thing even better. :-) I know this post isn't too exciting, but it is what it is.

Poem: Broken Glass

2009-11-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

I had the idea for a poem about a week ago or so and this is what came of it. By request, I am posting it here:

Crooked lines that flow and crack like glass,
sharp edges chiseled into a perfect pattern.
Were these just my lines,
or were they everyone's lines?

Once the glass is broken,
pieces are scattered in disarray.
Moments lie as delicate fragments,
and no one looks at them the way I do.

These pieces are my life.
How do I let go without losing one?
How do I put the pieces back together,
and make the cracks disappear?

Blood drips from my hands
in my attempt to save the broken glass.
Maybe glass is too fragile,
and maybe my hands weren't meant to mend this kind of break.

It seems there are more questions than answers.
But maybe only the hands that have truly bled,
only the hands that have truly mended,
maybe only these hands can truly fix the fragile broken glass.
Only His hands can fill the cracks.

Movie Review: Amelia

2009-11-09T16:13:00.000-07:00

An inspiring, yet truthful account of a woman who never thought, "I can't." Hilary Swank offers another award-winning performance. I didn't know a lot about Amelia Earhart before seeing the movie, except that she was never found. I was inspired by her story. In the movie she leads a seemingly fearless life. Her zeal for conquering the unconquerable and realizing dreams instills hope and motivation that anyone, with enough desire and work, can conquer the unconquerable and realize his or her own dreams. Although Amelia is a figure I think we all can admire, she doesn't live without her own flaws. This movie demonstrates the good and the bad, but anyone who has seen the movie I think would agree with me that there is, by far, more good than bad.

My Brother's Wedding

2009-10-24T12:22:00.000-06:00

Last weekend I went to Oakland, CA for my brother's wedding. Although I was gone for almost four days, the greater part of two of those days was spent driving. I loved meeting the family of my new sister-in-law! It was fun to be with my family and hers. My sister-in-law Brandy wore a beautiful dress! We took some fun pictures and the weather was gorgeous, especially for northern California. The temple was beautiful as always and I spent the good part of friday watching my nephew in the temple visitors center. I met some really sweet sister missionaries who played with my nephew and gave me someone to talk to while everyone else was in the temple. It was a crazy busy weekend, but a beautiful reception followed the temple marriage and both our families enjoyed some good times with food, music, and dancing.

Motivation

2009-10-14T19:31:00.000-06:00

What is your motivation? Have you ever had that feeling when something is so powerful, some event or some emotion that for once you stop thinking and all you can do is act, and all you can give is your best? What brings that out in you? Today I was watching something on tv that made me think about the moments we have in life that stretch us and take us beyond our comfort zones, in a good way. You know great moments when we think to ourselves, "how did I get this lucky?" So many things motivate me. But today I remembered why I love music and movies and media, in its better forms. I love that dialogue, words fitting together just right, paired with intense sincere emotion is a beautiful thing. I love watching good acting. I remembered that music and dance is a whole other language that speaks to me in a way words can't. And today I remembered that people motivate me. So again I ask the question, what is your motivation?

Movie Review: Fame

2009-10-05T10:52:00.000-06:00

I will admit I never saw the original. However, watching this movie definitely made me want to go out and rent it. Fame was full of dancing, singing, acting, and all the drama of high school students trying to figure out how to make it in a not always pleasant business. The soundtrack is amazing! The movie itself is entertaining, but not a lot of substance. Fun movie. On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 7.5.

Movie Review: Love Happens

2009-09-30T14:17:00.000-06:00

This movie was well worth the 8 dollars or so I payed for it! It's one up on some more recent romantic movies if you like good clean fun with a little bit of drama. Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston are cute, funny, and interesting. The movie is thought-provoking as well as sweet. Just a heads up, tears will most likely be shed, but you will leave the movie in a good mood! :-)

Question about normal

2009-09-30T14:01:00.000-06:00

I thought of a question today. When you're having a hard time with something, struggling with a certain situation in life and you tell someone about it, would you rather have them tell you it's a normal thing to be going through whatever it is you're going through, or would you rather have them react as if what you're going through is something they won't pretend to understand and is your own personal struggle? I guess I'm wondering, does it make you feel better or worse when someone makes you feel like your problem is a normal thing that people go through?

Respond if you want. Just food for thought.

Back Again

2009-09-30T10:30:00.000-06:00

After a long hiatus, I decided to finally start writing again. In light of my recent unemployment, I'd say I have plenty of time to write and post thoughts and updates. Thoughts for today: Why the seasons change so fast? Two days ago it was completely hot outside, even in the evening. This morning, I woke up to the sound of rain and cars splashing the water on the open road. Do you like the rain? Some say it's therapeutic, which I agree with wholeheartedly; however, I find myself wanting to curl up on my couch, watch a movie, and not leave my house until the rain stops. Although, a lot of days I find myself wanting to curl up on my couch and watch a movie, so maybe it's not just a rain thing. I think that's all I've got in me right now. Feel free to comment about your thoughts on the changing weather, the rain, or you know life in general.

P.S. I decided to post an update on the oh so exciting job search at the end of each blog post.
Today: still no job, but searching. :-)

Becoming a Tia (aunt)

2008-04-14T16:28:00.000-06:00

How do I begin to describe how amazing it feels? I feel like I want to see him every moment and be there for everything and anything he does. My nephew, Asher, was born yesterday April 13th at 10:29 PM. He was 7 pounds, 6 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long. He hardly cries, but when he does his lower lip quivers. I got to see the entire birth process and thought it was completely and utterly amazing! I haven't seen him in only hours and I already miss him. Every moment since I saw him I have wanted to see him again. I can't imagine what it would be like to be his parents. They are so excited to raise their son! I just find it all overwhelming in a good way and amazing is an understatement by far!

When you're at the end

2008-04-10T21:23:00.000-06:00

Why is it that when you're at the end of something, like a semester or a school year all motivation goes out the window? Why is it that every decision means more and every minute is so much more precious? I don't have any answers, any ideas? Wow I'm tired at the end!

The Art of Procrastination

2008-04-09T20:01:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure when I learned the art of procrastination. It must have been when I started school because that's where I procrastinate the most. I can't really decide whether it takes more effort to do the work in the first place and put more work into the assignment because there is time to really think about it, or if it takes more effort to pull something out at the last minute and actually get a decent grade. I wonder sometimes if in fact it is the thrill of having to finish a project in a matter of hours. Really though, I think the art of procrastination comes from a reaction at the thought of accomplishing such a large task. Usually the more I think about a long paper or a project I think about all the work it's going to take and I can't bring myself to start it, until finally, I have no choice. On top of that I happen to be one of those people who wants to start something and finish it all at once. I have a hard time working on something spread through multiple days. Well, so...enough rambling. To procrastinate or not to procrastinate, that is the question...

Why a blog?

2008-04-07T21:43:00.000-06:00

Okay. So most of my life, if not all of it, I have had billions of thoughts swarming inside my mind. Whether or not any of them are worth discussing...well I guess that depends upon who I'm sharing them with. I decided that if for no other reason my thoughts could find a home on this blog. I figure it's a good outlet and someone might actually read it someday, but really I guess it's more for me than for anyone else. So why a blog? Why not?